Consider the Preacher

Consider the Preacher, his job isn’t quite

One round of unbroken, unmingled delight.

His work may seem easy to folks in the pew,

And many may think he has little to do.

But often his problems and tasks are the kind

That burden the heart and weary the mind.

He must please the parents, and take with the youth

Draw crowds to the church and still tell them the truth.

His sermons of course must conform to the views

Of judges and critics who sit in the pews.

They have to be studied, instructive and new

With fresh illustrations, both pointed and true.

They must not be heavy or trifling or long,

And never too sharp or too plain or too strong.

The voice must be pleasing, the gestures correct

The grammar and diction be free from defect

He must not be loud, yet he has to speak out

So old folk may know what he’s talking about.

He must tell the rich the reward will be great

For pennies and nickels they drop in the plate.

He must preach on giving in such a way

That no one objects to the things he may say.

Whenever it happens that somebody dies

The dead must be honoured and praised to the skies

For, whether the life has been noble or base,

The funeral talk must be nothing but praise.

It’s just too bad if a word has displeased

A friend or a relative of the deceased.

He must be an orator, a scholar, and seer,

A singer with sensitive, musical ear,

A humourist, satirist, diplomat, wit,

A man who has wisdom, courage and grit.

A leader and business man, one who can get

The requisite money for budget and debt.

He must have an appetite for all of the cakes

And cookies and salads that the ladies make.

He must be a drinker of coffee and tea

Whatever the colour of flavour may be.

His wife must be gifted, attractive and sweet

Industrious, capable, thrifty and neat.

She must be not critical, cranky or cross,

Or one who is anxious to meddle or boss.

The children, of course, must be dear little saints

Whose conduct gives no one a cause for complaints.

They must be respectful, modest and meek,

Know when to be silent and when they should speak.

How well he is liked he may judge by the way

The folks come to church and take care of his pay.

And if they start grumbling he quickly must prove

Both willing and ready to pack up and move.

And that isn’t all – these are only a few

Of merits demanded by folks in the pew.

But preachers are mortals and whoever saw

A man in whose makeup there wasn’t a flaw?

His weaknesses, shortcomings, faults will appear

And were it not so, preachers would not be here.

For reasons that we in this world may not know

The Lord does not keep angels below.

So when he is doing the best that he can

Remember – the preacher is only a man

A poem appearing in a Church Bulletin – June, 1973